Your $5 won't buy my Tesla Model X. But it definitely makes the dream slightly less ridiculous.
The Master Plan.
1
You give me $5. Just do it.
You receive a weird 5-legged cat sketch I drew. And the right to vote on the color of my Tesla Model X.
2
Tell your friends to throw in $5 too.
They'll hate you for it… and thank you later.
3
January 1, 2027.
I post the photo of me behind the wheel — in the color you picked.
28,000 ACCOMPLICES NEEDED
Yes, this is a real website.
And yes, people actually do this.
--- Real-Time Greed Tracker ---
THE GOALTesla Model X Plaid — Fully Loaded
$0 / $140,000
Privacy Policy
Last updated: March 2026
The short version
I collect the bare minimum to sell you a $5 cat sketch and not go to jail. That's it. I'm too lazy to do anything shady with your data — that would require effort.
What I collect
Account info: Email address and display name (when you sign up). This is so I know who bought what, and so Paddle doesn't yell at me.
Purchase info: What color you voted, your message (if any), piece code, payment ID, and the timestamp. Stored in Firestore. Forever. Like your questionable decision.
Consent records: When you check those 4 boxes before buying, I save a record of that — including your browser info. This is my legal receipts drawer. No touching.
Browser data: User agent string (what browser you're using). I don't use cookies for tracking. I don't run analytics. I genuinely do not care what you do on the internet.
What I DON'T collect
Credit card numbers (Paddle handles that — blame them). Your location. Your search history. Your hopes and dreams. None of that.
Who sees your data
Me (the villain). Firebase (Google's servers — they host everything). Paddle (they process your payment). That's the full list. I don't sell data. Selling data requires a business plan, and I clearly don't have one.
Your rights
Want your data deleted? Email me. I'll do it. Slowly, because I don't work, but I'll do it. Your purchase record stays (legal requirement), but your account and personal info can be removed.
Contact
iwontreply@greed.my — I'll respond when I feel like it. Which is rarely. But I will.
"I wrote this privacy policy myself. It cost $0. Just like my work ethic."
Terms of Service
Last updated: March 2026
What this is
MY GREED is a website where you pay $5 for a digital artwork — specifically, 1 piece of a 5-legged cat sketch out of 28,000 pieces. You also get to vote on a Tesla color. That's the deal. The whole deal.
What you're buying
A digital artwork. Not a share. Not an investment. Not a promise of future returns. Not a slice of pizza. It's a cat with 5 legs, broken into 28,000 pieces, and you get one. Delivered instantly. Displayed on the mosaic. Yours forever (digitally).
Refund policy
There are no refunds. You checked 4 boxes confirming you understood this. You typed your message. You picked a color. You clicked the button. This was not an accident. We both know that.
Your account
You need an account to buy. One purchase per checkout. Don't share your login. If someone buys a cat piece from your account, that's between you and them. I'm not a mediator. I'm a villain.
Your content
The message you leave on the cat is public. Don't write anything illegal, hateful, or deeply unhinged. Mildly unhinged is fine — this is MY GREED after all. I reserve the right to remove messages that cross the line.
My responsibilities
I will: deliver your digital artwork instantly, display it on the mosaic, keep the site running (as long as I can afford hosting — which, thanks to you, I can).
I will NOT: guarantee this site exists forever, promise your $5 will actually go toward a Tesla (it will, but legally I'm saying "maybe"), or provide customer support with enthusiasm.
Intellectual property
The 5-legged cat is my creation. The site design, code, and content belong to me. Your piece of the mosaic is yours to screenshot, share, print, tattoo on your body — I don't care. But don't clone the whole site. That would require effort, and I'm offended by effort on principle.
Limitation of liability
MY GREED is provided "as is." If the site goes down, if the cat loses a leg, if the mosaic glitches — my total liability is $5. Because that's all you paid. And honestly, you knew the risks.
Changes
I might update these terms. If I do, I'll change the date at the top. I won't email you about it because that would be work.
Contact
iwontreply@greed.my — For legal inquiries, complaints, or fan mail (preferred).
"These terms were written at 3 AM by a man who refuses to get a job. Proceed accordingly."
Refund Policy
Last updated: March 2026
The short version
No refunds. You bought a pixel of a 5-legged cat for $5. It was delivered instantly. There is nothing to return. We both know this.
When I WILL refund
Duplicate charge: You got charged twice for the same purchase. That's on the system, not you. I'll fix it.
Technical failure: Payment went through but no location was assigned. If the system broke, I'll make it right.
Unauthorized transaction: Someone used your card without permission. That's not greed — that's theft. Different thing.
When I will NOT refund
You changed your mind. You don't like your random location. You "didn't know what you were buying" (you checked 4 boxes that said exactly what you were buying). You showed your purchase to someone and they called you an idiot. None of these qualify.
How to request
Email hello@greed.my with your email, Location Code, and what went wrong. I'll respond within 5 business days. "Business days" is a generous term for someone who doesn't work, but I'll try.
Refund method
Processed through Paddle back to your original payment method. Timeline depends on your bank, not my motivation.
"I wrote a refund policy for a $5 cat pixel. This is what my life has become."
FINAL ACCOMPLICE'S VOW
Check all 4 to prove you're serious about this terrible decision.
Pick my Tesla's color
You're paying for it. Might as well pick the paint.
Stealth Gray
Diamond Black
Frost Blue
Lunar Silver
Pearl White
Ultra Red
Leave a message on the cat
140 characters. Like the old days of Twitter. Make it count.
0 / 140
You are officially an accomplice.
Thank you for funding my laziness. Your contribution brings me $5 closer to the Tesla.
ACCOMPLICE CERTIFICATE
Accomplice #--
Location Code--
StatusFunded $5.00
Item5-Legged Cat Sketch (1/28,000)
Color Vote--
Your Impact--
Date--
Spread the foolishness. Recruit more accomplices.
Your Certificate
Accomplice #--
Location Code--
Amount$5.00
Item5-Legged Cat Sketch (1/28,000)
Color Vote--
Message--
Date--
Now spread the crime. Get more accomplices.
Share your accomplice status
LOCATION #00001
This pixel is homeless.
It's just sitting there. Empty. Cold. Unloved. You could fix that.
